If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
tell me about the eggs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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