Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
