I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
