I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
