Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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