So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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