An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
