Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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