They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pants are for mortals
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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