I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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