Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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