I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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