Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
