ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
