thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
