ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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