it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
