you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
