i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
