i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
