So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
