I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
