Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
