that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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