Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
