I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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