Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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