Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
