What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
