At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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