hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
