so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
