Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
