Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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