In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
