But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
