Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
