I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
