last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
