you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
