you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
