Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
