A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
