I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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