I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
that's an acceptable place to lick
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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