she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
