I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
