I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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