I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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