I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
